Day 41

The US D.O.T. Logo looks like a sphincter. Can I get sued for posting that here? I don't have anything, can't imagine what they'd sue me for.

I wanted to get a Cockatoo, but my wife said in no uncertain terms....NO BIRDS. So I decided instead I'd like to get an Iguana. Surprisingly she's ok with an Iguana. No birds but you can have a big lizard. She even said I could have a snake, but then threatened to turn it into shoes. I like pets, I always have. growing up I had cats, dogs, gerbils, rabbits, a turtle and two raccoons.(Not all at the same time.) I never had a lizard. We had a parakeet for awhile, but we were babysitting it for an extended period of time for my aunt. I remember my dad trying to teach it to swear. I told him I didn't think parakeets could talk. I was right.

Day 40

We have been bombarded with ways to protect ourselves from the flu this season. Particularly the swine flu, or as it is now more commonly know h1n1. I have been told to cover my mouth and wash my hands more times than I can count this year.

You, or someone you know, love, hate, whatever will probably get the flu this year. It may be the swine flu, it may not. Your probably not going to die, but more than likely you are going to feel pretty shitty for a while. Knowing this, I am offering up my own flu wisdom, and I will not charge you a dime.

1. Wash your hands you filthy little monkey. Wipe your butt after you take a shit, and do not throw your shit thats just disgusting.

2. Cover your mouth when you cough, sneeze,belch, swear, hiccup, or in any way expel vile substances from your putrid hole.

3. Say excuse me when you fart in polite company. If you are not in polite company, just walk away.

4. Do not have relations sexual or otherwise with pigs.

5.Get a flu shot, or don't I don't really give a shit.

Day 39

Can't type, killing things......

Day 38

I think that the secret to a good lasagna is Ricotta cheese and lots of garlic. My mom used to use cottage cheese and garlic salt, not the same thing.

I always said that if I ever got rich I'd hire three cooks. An Italian women, A Mexican woman, and a Greek woman. And once a month I would hire a big extended family of each descent to come over and eat with me. Good times, good times.

Day 37

I want to be an ex-patriot. But an ex-patriot to somewhere warm. Wouldn't want to move to Canada. But maybe I would, I always liked Grizzly Adams. Is there somewhere in the world where the Government doesn't feel they need to control your life? Where people do not elect officials to control your lives? I mean, barring Antarctica.

Day 36

So recently we listed our house for sale. Due in part to these tough economic times. Now we are faced with calls from Realtors saying "People are coming get out of the house." Like we are living in WW2 Germany. Next time I'll pull an Anne Frank and hide in the attic.

Day 35

Trust me Comrade. As scary as the idea of Vladamir Putin is, this is a dude you would want as your friend. You'd be the second coolest kid on the block.